I had high hopes of vlogging this bad boy. But then life happened. And by life, I mean writing the clinical reflection that I had completely forgotten about. Plus my ghetto Walmart teeth whitening strips bleached my gums as well as my teeth... so there's that too.
I'm linking up with the ever-fabulous Holly and hilarious Jake to do a little sentence-finishing. We all know that the word "penis" will probably be the answer to all of the questions. Because that's what is on my mind quite often.
I mean... can you blame me? It's only been since motherfucking December that I've seen Bahama Boy. That's a long ass time without seeing a penis. (No wonder I've been a grumpy bitch lately, huh?)
Eight. More. Days. Can you believe it? I am beyond excited, but also ridiculously nervous, as we're doing the whole meet-the-families kind of thing this time around (which is a blog post unto itself).
And as his own form of personal torture, he ordered something (or a lot of somethings) and had it shipped to my house. His explicit instructions: Do not open the box. Do not forget to bring the box to the hotel after I pick him up at the airport.
It arrived yesterday.
|Belongs to Pandora.|
It's killing me to know what is inside of it. But I guess we'll find out... Just not soon enough.
Any guesses? Anyone? Bueller?
Okay... let's get down to business.
- People always tell me... that I'm raw, honest, and batshit crazy.
- In the movie based on my life... some folks should be a little nervous as to how they're portrayed. And, it'll probably be rated NC-17.
- Typically, I end up regretting... most decisions made in the heat of the moment.
- I always ask to leave off the... harsh bedroom lights (thank you, pregnancy stretch marks).
- Kim and Kanye really... suck donkey dicks. Next.
- My parents always reminded me... to wear my seat belt. Lame, but important.
- Every single day I... have a dance party for one in my bathroom. "Collipark Bubba Sparxxx BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE!"
- This one time in college... threw a party celebrating the arrival of my period (because that's just what sluts do).
- My grossest habit is... pooping while on the phone.
- My latest white lie was... "I turned in that clinical reflection a little late because I was having computer issues," and not because I was being distracted by shiny objects on the internet.
- I know all the words to... every Spice Girls song.
- When I grow up... I want to make out with Katy Perry.
- Sexy time is... all I ever think about. Can I get an A-fucking-MEN?
- I will never, ever... be dependent upon a man again.
- I think it's hilarious... that I played with rubber vaginas all Wednesday afternoon (practicing catheters... what were you thinking, you dirty bitches?)
I've got 8 hours of clinical today and then it's the freaking weekend. My friends and I are showering my (very pregnant) BFF with some baby love Saturday night. When I asked the host if I should pick up a case of beer to bring along with cheesy potatoes the mama-to-be requested I make, the response I received was, "Not unless you want something in particular. We'll have plenty of beer."
Because beer and baby showers go hand-in-hand, right? My kind of party. Cheers, bitches.